I just read over my four measly posts. I have to say, things have changed so much since those writings.
It’s silly, but I did not realize I had neglected this baby for such a long time. What has it been? At least six months.
In lieu of thinking, observing, and writing, I’ve been doing nearly the opposite. So what has my time been spent on all the while?
Well… Some of it was spent. Some of it was wasted. I will admit to myself and everyone else that I did not utilize my hours in the most constructive of ways.
Some were wasted focusing on how much I missed certain people. Others were wasted ignoring how much I missed those people.
Some were spent getting to have time with the people I missed. Some were spent in the moment.
Some were not so hot. Some were not so cold.
I allowed myself to carry this past semester of school as if it were a burden, rather than an experience I should cherish. I cannot believe I have One semester left of school! It is incredibly exciting, but oh-so terrifying. I hope to make this semester what it should have been last semester.
I should have felt like I was living it, instead of it being in the way of the rest of my life.
There are extraneous circumstances that I am so thankful for, but I know held me back from school. With this said, I want to bring in the past statement that “I allowed myself” to do that. It was by no means anyone else’s fault or problem but my own. I am my own person and make my own decisions. Some decisions made have been murky and cloudy because of distances traveled, missing the people I love, and pure laziness.
I have always known something about myself that I never realized was definitely true – I am not motivated. With this said, there are some days where I can be the most motivated creature you could ever have laid eyes on. My motivation levels are consistent with my schedule. When things become due, such as a test or application, I am all over it…a day beforehand. Most of the time, this method has not failed me. When it has, it fails hardcore.
I am seeking to find a better solution to the rest of this semester – and really, the rest of my life – that is more than just getting through and getting by. I want to be present in every minute I am given.
Here’s to a prayer of strength, motivation, and encouragement. Lord, say you’re with me?